Lousy Hormones
by Jimmy Candlestick
Summary: One shot, set after "Humanity." Bruce and Dick have a heart-to-heart talk that may or may not pertain unto a certain female magician. While it starts in good fun, the conversation reveals deeper feelings on the matter of love than was first expected.


**This took me...four days to complete. Ouch. Anywho, it's set after Humanity. I don't ship, not really. I'm not one for romance, but, the observations I made in that episode couldn't be ignored, and, this popped in my head after reading...someone's story. Hey, it took me four days, okay! Gimme a break! **

**Anywho, enjoy. :)**

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><p>Dick sat at the kitchen island, a plate of cookies, it's foiled wrapping cast aside, quickly diminishing before him. Batman had given the team a fierce lecture when they had gotten back – Zatara, though, practically said more than the Justice League's leader – barely remembering to give them praise for a job well done. And even that was less than exemplary a praise. And poor Zatanna...Dick sighed. Zatanna.<p>

"You aren't thinking about who I think you're thinking about, are you?"

Dick jumped, half-falling out of his chair with a small cry. "Gah!" He looked up. "Bruce! Don't do that."

His guardian chuckled, a deep, throaty sound that was rarely has genuine was it was right then. "Well are you?"

Dick blushed. "I'm just sympathizing with her on being grounded."

"It's awfully hard to sympathize with someone when you're miles away from them." Bruce's eyes took on a mischievous light. "Why don't you call her?"

"Okay, really, Bruce?" Dick shifted, turning away. "Now you're weirding me out."

For a moment, a blessed moment, Bruce didn't say a word. And then he ruined it. "You really do like her, don't you?"

Dick squirmed. "No! I mean, sort of...I don't know." His head gently fell to rest on his arms on the counter. "I hate hormones."

The stool beside him squeaked in soft protest as Bruce sat down. "I know the feeling."

Dick raised his head and rolled his eyes as he commented sarcastically, "Millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne? Hates hormones?"

"Billionaire."

"Like it matters."

"It does to the paparazzi."

"Like they matter."

"They all have mothers."

"Whatever." His head fell back to his arms. And it came back up abruptly. "Wait, why do you hate hormones?"

Bruce shrugged. "They were difficult to deal with. They played with my emotions and I had a hard time thinking rationally and logically when a pretty girl came close by."

"That still happens."

Bruce shot him a look. "Pardon?"

"Don't you think I don't notice the way you act when a certain cat thief is nearby." He smirked, barely ducking the blow Bruce threw lightly his way.

"I don't act differently."

"Maybe not to outsiders."

"I'm sorry, but, did you just say that you _didn't _want to go out on patrol later?"

Dick groaned. "No."

Bruce's barely expressed smirk didn't quite make it past the Boy Wonder.

"Jerk."

"Did you completely ignore what I said before?"

"No."

Bruce leaned back, looking at his young ward who had gone back to wallowing in self pity. "You like her."

An ink topped head shot up. "NO!" And then sank lower. "Maybe." And then forcefully rested against an upturned arm. "I guess."

"Why?"

"She's pretty. And smart." He smiled. "She used my wordplay with me, and she didn't even know I did that...she's funny, too."

"Mhm."

Dick's smile turned downward. "I don't want to like her."

The grandfather clock down the hall rang out four O' clock in the morning. Bruce looked at Dick. "What?"

"I don't want to like her." Dick repeated vehemently.

"Why not?"

The aerialist squirmed. "Because."

Bruce leaned forward, resting his fore arms on the counter. "Dick, don't be evasive with me."

"It's not even that important!" Dick said, exasperated. "It's not life or death!"

"I know that," Bruce said with finality. "But, Dick, to be quite frank, this is unusual. What boy in his right mind doesn't want to like a girl who's got everything he could ask for? You said yourself that she's pretty, smart, and funny. Did something happen?"

Dick rolled his eyes. "Yes, Bruce, something happened. A lot of things happened. That's what happens in life, things happen."

"Richard Jonathan Grayson, I specifically told you not to be evasive with me. _What, happened_?" Batman easily replaced the voice of a charming billionaire, and Dick quickly remembered that disobedience was not looked upon kindly by Gotham's Dark Knight.

He sighed, his voice quieting from its earlier excitement. "Nothing. Nothing happened, Bruce. Not on the mission, anyways."

Bruce relaxed again, nodding. Not wishing to push for anything more, he sat and waited. Because sometimes, that was the best option.

Like now.

"I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because, I'm afraid it'll turn into love." An almost laughing breath escaped his lips. "It already feels like it is love."

The World's Greatest Detective's mind sparked and rattled as he thought through this. He had an idea...he always had an idea. "Why are you afraid that it will turn into love?"

Dick turned away.

"Dick."

"Because."

"Richard."

"Because people that I love die. Or come close to it." He turned back, a glare glittering in his blue eyes. "_Several _times."

"Ah." Bruce nodded. "I see."

"I mean, what if I really do fall in love with her? And then, something happens out there, and she dies?" His voice cracked ever so slightly. Dick sniffed, composing himself. "This is stupid," he muttered.

"You know, that's why I've never married."

"Because hormones are stupid?"

"No."

"Well now you're making no sense."

Bruce closed his eyes and breathed in. "Because I'm afraid of love."

Dick regarded him. "That makes sense."

"It makes so much sense," a distinctly British voice said behind them. "Though, it doesn't quite explain why you are _both _still awake, when you, Master Richard, have to be up for school in three hours, and you, Master Bruce never get enough sleep as it is."

"What are you doing up, Alfred?" Bruce asked.

"I came to see who was raiding my kitchen so early in the morning." Alfred studied the two heroes as he finished tying up his robe. "Are you really awake thinking about a girl?"

Dick blushed. "Yeah. It's stupid, I know."

Alfred smiled kindly, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Nonsense. Master Bruce used to do that when he was your age, if I remember correctly."

"Really?" A grin forced its way onto his face. "Bruce? You admit you're afraid of love, but you won't admit sleepless nights?"

Bruce raised his hands defensively. "I didn't see how that was relevant."

"It's not about being relevant, Bruce, it's about being relatable," Dick said with a smirk.

"You sound like a Disney channel special, Dick."

"You watch Disney channel specials?"

Alfred cleared his throat, getting their attention. Once they had quieted, he spoke. "From what I've gathered, you're both afraid of love, because it's the ones closest to you – those you've loved the most – who have been cruelly taken away from you. And so you fear that this is a repeating pattern, and, therefore, won't let yourselves love. But, perhaps you have the wrong view of love.

"Perhaps love – specifically that pertaining unto marriage – is when the fear of losing someone you love is overcome by the joy of living life together, no matter how short that life together may be."

Dick shifted, his gaze never quite meeting the butler's. "So...are you saying that I should just believe that I'm in love with Zatanna?"

"Heavens no, Master Richard. On the contrary, I don't approve of these teenage romances. They tend to end in nasty ways that are unbecoming of anyone involved."

Dick laughed. "Right, right." Then he quieted. "Thanks, Alfie."

Alfred dipped his head. "Of course, Master Richard. Now, off to bed." His eyes hardened, without losing their kindness. "Both of you."

The Dynamic Duo, not daring to disobey, rose from their seats and went to their rooms. With Alfred left in the kitchen to clean up the remains of the cookies, Bruce couldn't help but deliver one parting shot to his ward.

"You know, you could always make a video for her. To tell her how you feel."

"Bruce!" Dick landed a soft punch on his mentor, who didn't bother to move away. Moving faster, he muttered, "Lousy hormones."

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><p><strong>I may have made Bruce a tad bit OOC. I apologize. Profusely. Seriously.<strong>

**But, review anyways, will ya? I'd appreciate it. -Jimmy C.**


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